You're Who now?
by Dragonling743
Summary: ON HIATUS Henry went out of Storybrooke to get Emma, just as prophecy foretold, but someone else has already meddled with the curse, leaving the town far different from the way he left it. AU SwanQueen, does involve kidnapping, and strange convolutions of the rules of magic, and Femslash if I need to spell it out for you.
1. Chapter 1

"Alright you primitive screwheads,

listen up! You see this? This... This is my boomstick!" H.G. Wells

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I don't make money off of any of this. Etc.

A/N: Okay, I was talking with a friend, and we brought up all kinds of strange subjects, it was awesome. Anyway, I had this idea, and I'm not giving it time to leave me alone. Enjoy.

I swear, this is all crazy. All I did was wish I wasn't alone for my birthday, and now this kid is in the back of my car, claiming to be my son, adamant that I be the one to take him home. He hadn't stopped talking about his mom being some kind of crazy evil queen intent on killing everyone.. Or something like that. I was starting to really get concerned when we entered the town, everything was as quiet and small town-y as you could possibly get.

One guy was even walking his huge Dalmatian when I pulled over. Henry seemed to know him, which was a start, and since the kid wasn't budging about telling me where he lived, I had to resort to indirect methods. "Hey there, you uh, you wouldn't know where he lives would you? He refuses to tell me." I shot the suddenly bashful boy a baleful glare.

"Finally, you're home!" He wrapped me in a hug, and the dog jumped up and down around us, tying us together with the leash. "Pongo stop that." He chided the dog, turning back to me with a grin, "I'm glad you finally came to your senses and left that terrible carnival."

"I'm sorry? Carnival? Look man, I'm just trying to get Henry home..." Maybe this guy had a few more screws loose than it looked, though anyone who lives in a town this small has to have a few loosened up just to survive. They all made great marks for cons though. Emma, stop that, what kind of, urgh! You are not a con anymore, stop thinking that way!

"Ahh," He tapped the side of his nose, "Following your conscience! Good job, I'm proud of you. The queen lives just up the hill, you can't miss it." He pointed, while I extracted myself from the eager dog and his leash. Something seriously weird was going on alright.

I climbed into the car with a mumbled thanks, trying my best not to look him in the eyes. It would be just my luck to provoke the town kook into some kind of... Something. "Henry! Why didn't you warn me about that guy? I know you don't want to go home, but jeez. That guys was fu- um, messed up."

Henry's eyes were wide, and he was staring at me through the mirror, clutching his book. "He wasn't like that when I left..."

"What do you mean?" This place was getting weirder every minute, three short guys, a little on the chubby side too were walking next to the road hauling sticks and straw. They looked as nervous as hell, if it hadn't been for Henry I would have stopped to take a look. This time of night for gathering.. Kindling? The whole place was giving me the creeps.

We finally arrived at the big freaking mansion on the hill, I mean huge, white, capitol building wanna-be. If this chick wasn't stealing from the government, then maybe she was some kind of witch conjuring gold out of thin air. Everything was spotless, including the brand new Jag sitting in the driveway. She even had gates and crap. Talk about a superiority complex.

Just walking up her porch made me feel inferior, and I look down at Henry with exasperation for putting me through this, "Thanks for coming down to see me kid.. But next time just drop a line on the phone okay?"

I saw a protest forming in his eyes, but for some reason he was too cowed to offer it. Weird. He had been just fine fighting me all night, maybe that kook with the dog wasn't normally so kooky. "Okay.. Thanks." He mumbled.

"No problem kid." I mussed his hair awkwardly, and knocked on the door. A woman dressed in a business suit opened the beautiful door with a no nonsense look on her face. She looked like the kind of bitch that made any court procedure into a massive fiasco just by walking in with her fancy ass shoes, and purse ensemble.

Her stern glare was focused on Henry, "Where have you been? I've been worried sick! You go right upstairs to bed right now Henry, I'll be up to talk to you in a few.." Henry raced past us, and she glanced up at me, her posture set for a fight. Suddenly everything angry, and motivated, and in charge about her appearance disappeared. Her eyes softened, and it was like I was looking at a whole new woman, and the only thing I could see in her eyes was this deep longing, and love.

It was really freaking me out, I blushed like an idiot, unable to do anything more than stare back at her, and pretend I knew why she was looking at me like a long lost lover. "You're back.." She sighed, eyes closing for longer than it took to blink. It looked like she was... Savoring the moment? We're freaking strangers lady! Pick someone else to crush on. I mean really! There it was again, that look that pierced so deep into my heart and soul it was like she had peeled me open to examine my heart, and found it to be the purest most perfect thing on the planet. Her manicured hand came up to touch my cheek again, and she was smiling so broadly, and joyfully it hurt. "I missed you so much my love."

Um, what? My eyes widened, and I stepped back, causing confusion to overpower her expression. I had never seen someone look like that, let alone call me 'my love' on the first meeting. I took a couple more steps back, digging in my pocket for the keys when I hit the car with the back of my legs. I jumped in as quick as possible, and drove off even faster, but it wasn't fast enough to miss her expression, standing on the porch, one hand outstretched towards me. He shoulders slumped, and her eyes.. Beautiful eyes.. Broke. The only time I had ever seen something like that, was when I imagined what my face looked like after Neil dropped me. Heartbroken, beyond repair, beyond treatment, and I can't help but feel... Responsible.

How the heck did I become responsible for that woman's happiness? a large part of me screamed as I revved up the bug, heading out of town as fast as possible. When she looked at you like the only thing on the planet keeping her going. A calmer bit replied. That would be the crazy talking. I was just snarking now. Wait.. I stepped on the brake, coming to a halt just before the town limits. I had just left Henry in the hands of someone obviously crazy.

I hit my head on the steering wheel. Aw shit.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Please, excuse the vocabulary of my subject, I am unfamiliar with the less intellectually inclined. I have been writing B&W's genius minds, and therefore, am unsure as to whether I am dumbing things down too much, or hitting the mark. Please inform me if I am mistreating Emma in any way.

I turned the bug around, and drove back into town. First things first, I needed somewhere to stay because the back of the bug, well I'll tell you it's not the most comfortable place to sleep, and lady cuckoo didn't look like one to give in easily. There was some quaint little cafe in the middle of town called "Granny's" that was getting pretty busy by this point. It was early enough in the morning all you could see was the crazy "early bird get's the worm" people. I pulled up on the side of the road, do any of these people drive?

I peeked inside the glass windows first, afraid I would find madam freaky. Instead it was a woman with a short dark pixie cut, a young woman, clad scantily in red tank top, and mini-shorts, and the old matronly woman behind the counter. None of the crazies, just people too weird to sleep at 4am.

I sighed and walked into the cafe, the waitress and Pixie-cut in the corner ignored me as I walked up to Granny. "Hey, um, do you know what I can do about a room?" I asked, slapping my hands gently on the counter.

"Finally! You've been out all night, do you know what kind of moon it is tonight? You aren't taking one step outside, now get upstairs and get changed into your work uniform." She started yelling at me, perhaps dementia? Perhaps this whole fucking town is demented.

"Granny! Stop that, why are you yelling at-.." The waitress turned, calling to the matron, then she turned to look at me and she paused, "Peter? B-but y-you're dead, you can't be here.." She backed away, her eyes wide with fright.

The matron looked confused, "What are you talking about Ruby? Obviously I'm yelling at... Um.." She looked between the waitress and I, apparently unable to see the difference between us, and the girl.. Ruby seemed to think I was a dude?

I raised my hands slowly and backed towards the door, hoping no one would go batshit on me and attack me or something. "Look, I'm just going to go..."

The bell rang behind me, and I closed my eyes. Please, don't be another psycho, please, do not be another fucking psycho in this town of crazy people. Henry was right, this whole town was on it's head. "And who exactly are you?" A terse voice asked, it was familiar and rich, and the warm body behind me was nice, but something in the stiffness of her tone suggested I had best answer quickly.

I turned around, taking a step back and immediately the fear went away, "I'm Emma, we met last night." God, please do not go all freak on me again. You were perfectly normal there for a bit.

Oh no, there it is again, that stupid ass look like I'm the only freaking person for her. "E-Emma?" She stuttered over the name. Weird, I hadn't thought her one to stutter. She reached out to touch my face, and everyone in the room shrunk back. They were all staring at her in total terror. "But.. You're Daniel." She stroked my cheek so tenderly, I sighed involuntarily. No one can resist the amount of love in a gesture so small, not even when I knew she was batshit crazy.

"Noooo, Daniel would be a boy's name, something I am not. Perhaps you should have your eyes checked." I said cautiously.

"You look just like him, the spitting image, dark hair, and the eyes.." She murmured, practically spell bound by my face. I had no idea what she was talking about with the hair thing, I'm about as blonde as daylight.. I never really understood that, but I'm quite emphatically blonde.

These people. I don't know what's in the water, but I'm not going to stay, and neither is Henry. There's no way in hell I am going to leave a kid in this madhouse. I shoved past the mayor, fuck it all, I still have no idea what her name is, and ran outside. The tinkling little bell grating on my hashed nerves. Thanks universe, I think next time you can ignore my birthday wishes.

Stalking outside the cafe, glaring at anything willing to glance my way, something slipped over my head.


End file.
